Resignation
by ENT Time
Summary: A look at Tami's thought process during the living room scene  after she, Eric & Julie return from the restaurant  in the finale.


Tami sat in the recliner, staring at the Christmas tree, with her feet tucked up on the seat thinking about how this, right here, would be the rest of her life. Christmas in Texas. Living in Dillon. It wasn't a bad life - they'd been very happy here. She, Eric, the girls; they'd all grown, changed and prospered here. She just couldn't help but feel like she'd outgrown it a little bit. When the offer for the Dean of Admissions from Braemore was extended to her, it seemed like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Something that she hadn't even considered a possibility, but one that she knew she would probably never see the likes of again. If she didn't accept it now, she might never get out of the high school system. Not that she didn't enjoy her current work - she loved counselling kids, helping them along, inspiring them, opening their eyes to possibilities that they might never consider otherwise. It was challenging work, too. This past semester at East Dillon had been especially challenging, first with the politics involved trying to get the support of the rest of the school's staff, then failing to help Epyck get on the right track. No matter what Eric or anyone else told her, she would always feel like she had failed that girl. She knew Epyck had unrealized potential, and Tami would always regret not being the one capable of exposing her talents and setting her on the path to success.

The idea of taking on the challenge at Braemore had excited her in ways that she hadn't felt in a long time. She would have the opportunity to help hundreds, heck, maybe _thousands_ of kids that may not have had the best test scores, but just needed someone to give them an opportunity and they could succeed in a college setting. If she were to accept this position, she would fulfill dreams that she hadn't even known were a remote possibility, but at what cost?

Tami wasn't worried about how the move would affect the girls. She knew that Gracie Belle would thrive wherever they ended up; she was a bright, sweet girl and was young enough that she wouldn't know much difference between Texas and Pennsylvania. Julie was grown up now, _engaged_ (Tami was still trying to accept that reality), with her own life and probably wouldn't be staying in Texas much longer whether Eric and Tami were there or not. The problem was Eric; he did not seem capable of jumping on this band wagon.

Tami knew that taking this job would be asking a lot of her husband. Leaving friends and family behind to move to a city of strangers was a challenge in itself, and the East Coast had a different culture than they were accustomed to, which would only compound the issue. He would also have to turn down professional stability (a 5-year contract here in Dillon) for uncertainty (finding a new job in Philadelphia.) She also suspected that there was some pride clouding his judgement – while she often thought of her and Eric's relationship as modern (they shared responsibility in the housework, meal preparation, and child rearing – even if it wasn't distributed equally), there were definitely traditional aspects to their marriage. For the eighteen years that Eric had been a football coach, Tami had dutifully played the role of Coach's Wife. She organized barbeques, charmed boosters, and supported Eric on and off the field without hesitation, and until this point in time, Eric's career had dictated where they lived, which, she presumed, was exactly the way he liked it.

Over the last couple of weeks, it seemed as though they'd discussed both his and her employment options to death. Tami had made the best arguments she could for her case, but none seemed to convince Eric that moving to Philadelphia was the right thing for them to do. During her last attempt outside the restaurant, she tried to make Eric see that by giving up her fight and staying in Texas was like telling Julie that it was good to follow your dreams, but only to the point where they conflict with your husband's – in that case, his take precedence. It seemed contrary to everything they had ever taught their girls, doing their best to form them into strong, independent, loving, and ambitious women. But Eric didn't seem to register the contradiction, or if he did, it wasn't enough to make him change his mind. At that point, there didn't seem to be anything Tami could say that would make him want to move to Philadelphia, and she finally resigned herself to the fact that this was a battle she wasn't going to win. The strain on their marriage had been almost unbearable since she returned from Philly and she decided that ultimately, this fight wasn't worth the damage it could cause their relationship – this marriage that they had worked so hard at for so long – when she knew that she was, and could continue to be, happy here in Dillon.

Coming to the conclusion on her own did not lessen her disappointment, so after the wordless ride home from dinner and once Eric had ducked into the bathroom, she had changed into her pyjamas and went out to the living room for some time to herself. She figured that she had earned a few minutes of self-pity, a little window of time to wallow over the lost opportunities that she had sacrificed for the sake of their marriage. Allowing herself these few moments would help her accept her choice and ensure that she wouldn't harbour any long-term resentment once she conceded to Eric.

She wasn't quite sure how long she'd been sitting in silence when she heard the rustling of the candy cane wrapper as he came to sit on the couch.

"How do you propose that we're gonna make a decision if you're not gonna talk to me?"

Tami was slightly annoyed by his question; beyond having discussed their career paths at length over the past two weeks, Eric was the one who wouldn't speak outside the restaurant just a few short hours ago. It was her sadness, though, that trumped all other emotions at that moment. She quietly replied, "I believe I have talked to you." And then it was time. Time to make it official. Time to give her husband, her _marriage_, what he and it so desperately needed: her concession.

"And I've decided I'm gonna say 'no' to Braemore. I'm never gonna win this fight," she said after fixing her eyes on him. She waited for his response, something like, "Oh, Babe, you are amazing! You're too good to me!" or maybe, "No, Tami, I can't ask you to do that. You deserve to take this job," but instead, all she got was, "A'right."

Before she had a chance to comment on his response, or lack thereof, she heard Julie's voice as she entered the living room and sat on the coffee table. After greeting her daughter, there was one last shared look between Tami and Eric, conveying sadness, regret and acceptance on both their parts. Tami then gracefully shifted gears from Wife to Mother, as Julie made a final argument about how she could be trusted to make good decisions and was ready for marriage. Tami couldn't help but feel a wave of compassion for Eric. She knew how much she, herself, was struggling to accept that her daughter was ready to take this huge step toward a life where she and Eric would play a much less significant role, but Eric was agonizing even more so. Julie was their little girl and he had been wrapped around her finger from the day she was born. Accepting that another man would officially be taking over the "#1" position in Julie's life was not easy. Tami also knew that Eric was having a hard time trusting their daughter's decisions after the choices she had made over the last few months. Tami was concerned, too of course, but perhaps because of her own teenaged history, it was easier for her to accept that Julie's decisions and their resulting consequences may have actually fast-tracked her maturity over the last several weeks. She told Julie that she and Eric did trust her and that all they wanted was for her to be happy. Eric nodded in agreement, and she could tell that he was finally accepting, however hesitantly, that their daughter was a grown woman, and that it was time to let go and hope that the lessons they had taught her would serve her well.

Tami looked at her daughter in the barely lit living room, beautiful as ever. She imagined all of the hard-earned achievements and crushing disappointments that lay ahead for Julie and Matt. The young couple had told her and Eric at dinner that they aspired to have a marriage like theirs, but Tami knew that they couldn't possibly fathom the anguish that came with compromise and sacrifice that was required for a marriage to flourish. There was nothing she or Eric could say that would prepare them for the rollercoaster ride they were about to embark on. She knew that there was no way to avoid some of the hurt that lay ahead of them, but, fighting back tears, Tami prayed that the good times would exponentially out-weigh the bad, just as they had for her and Eric.


End file.
